i first read ulrich haarburste's amazing stories on his website. they were absurd and funny and endlessly inventive. his word choice is resplendent. he is not afraid of breaking new ground and writing in ways that may come off as naive or amateurish. but ulrich is neither of these things.

1. what got you started writing about roy orbison?

With respect, I would not presume to write about Roy Orbison. He is a real person whom no-one can know except perhaps his butler. What I write about is Roy Orbison being wrapped in Clingfilm, a phenomenon belonging to the world of dreams about which I am entitled to guess.

As to what started me, I have recently been going through my juvenilia and discovered what may be the first Orbison in Clingfilm story, a school essay set upon the topic of 'What would you do if the world was going to end in ten minutes?'

2. do you write other kinds of stories?


Purely to earn a living I am currently writing a book of cautionary tales for children, provisionally entitled 'If You Had Listened To Your Mother You Would Still Have All Your Fingers'.


3. do you think there is an infinite amount of material in the roy orbison in clingfilm formula?


Undoubtedly. If only there was an infinite amount of material on a clingfilm roll.


4. what are some of your influences?


I think I unite the terseness of Hemingway with the sensuality of Proust. I might also name Schiller's Ode to Joy and the more spiritual passages of Dostoyevsky. But, really, I am not sure if they are influences or if they just happened to get there ahead of me.


5. when i read your fans' versions of roy orbison stories, i could immediately tell they weren't written by you. what do you think distinguishes you?


The spark of genius and diligent punctuation.


6. what is your advice to me?


One word, plastics.